This installment of The Fuck is on Your Face? is no laughing matter (sorry I said that). Our friend Weinberger cautions:

Remember that makeup is supposed to enhance how you look naturally, not give you a whole new look entirely. If I wanted to get involved with somebody who permanently lived under layers and layers of makeup, I would have run away with Ronald McDonald back in ’95. Ah, regret.

Ladies, put down the eyeliner.

Most of the boys I talked to seemed preoccupied with this “clown makeup” idea. They all seem to think we’re just one coat shy of some kind of Pennywise situation. But underneath all the clown panic, we see their point. Everyday makeup should enhance what you’ve got, not cover up your real face. Define your eyes, even out your skin tone, brighten the lips, give yourself a nice glow; yeah totally. But wouldn’t it suck to be rendered unrecognizable if you got caught in some kind of torrential downpour?

That said, you can pry my waterproof mascara out of my cold dead hands. My blonde-tipped eyelashes are for my genetically inferior-lashed eyes only.

Weinberger. And now we know what Coulrophilia means, and we’re blaming him. Don’t Google that. Trust us. 

Mr. Weinberger himself. Coincidence? You be the judge.