The update nobody asked for

Hello friends! It’s been a minute, huh?

TBH I’m, like, slightly sorry for the egregious neglect of this blog. But definitely not as sorry as a YouTuber who forgot to upload a video like one time. You know? Why are they like that?

Anyway, I would love to tell you that I’m dusting off the ol’ WordPress skills and getting those rusty gears turning again. But let’s be real, that’s way too much pressure to put on someone who stopped making concrete plans to go anywhere WAYYYY before social distancing became A Thing.

But hey! Remember how I used to write for xoVain? I was looking for one of my Shakespeare costume articles this last Halloween (or the one before that—time is a construct for you these days but it’s always been one for me), and was super bummed to see that the whole site (as well as sister site xoJane) is now defunct.

I wrote SO many articles for them! I mean, my entire journey into the confusing world of beauty/product photography was kicked off thanks to all the “constructive” article comments! (I still didn’t/don’t know what the fuck I’m doing, but eventually the mean comments about my camera skills subsided, so I took that as a win.)

Since there’s no way I’m letting that struggle be for naught, I’ve decided to publish my beauty articles here for archival purposes! Is that legal? Do I have any ownership? Is that kind of content copyrighted? I don’t know! (If you do, just remember that snitches get stitches.)

It may take me a while to actually upload all of the articles because I am both lazy and not getting paid for this. So try not to, like, get TOO into it. Don’t make it weird.

In conclusion, please come back and check out the vintage Sarah beauty blogging that’s coming your way. I hope you and your family are safely hanging in there during this insanely tumultuous period. Keep your spirits up and don’t forget to stay the fuck home.

Love.

Oh… Hey Guys….

I know, I know. I suck.

But I’m moving! Towns! They say that is one of the most stressful things that can happen to a person after death or divorce! I’ll be back on here with more expletive-filled beauty talk soon, I promise.

In the meantime, I found time to read an interesting xoJane piece called “You Don’t Have to Be Beautiful to Be Boring, But Science Says it Helps.” I don’t have time to compile my many thoughts about the piece just yet, but I wanted to share this thoughtful comment from Martha Mott:

Too much? Not for me to say.

“This is a bit of a tangent, but I don’t wonder if some personal style choices don’t automatically create a blind spot in men. Red lipstick, short hair, and glasses seem to overwhelm the male perceptions to the point that you could probably pull a Clark Kent/Superman on them with a simple change of accessories.

Anecdote: Yesterday some guy shouted, “Hey you got some face on your makeup.” First of all, fuck you bro. Second of all, I was wearing a tinted moisturizer, brown mascara, and one of those red lipbalm/lipsticks by Revlon. That’s it. My normal day to day drag consist of sooooooo much more, but because it’s all in the boring beige family those are the days I get called a “natural beauty.”

The rest of the day it was pretty clear that dudes weren’t really into it, and the few that did express any interest in me seemed to think I was some eccentric personality. Their very own Mad Pixie Dream Girl.

Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.”

I love that her first reaction is “Fuck you, bro”. Awesome. I’ve been meaning to write more about men and the (mis-) perceptions they often have about makeup. This blog’s feature The Fuck is on Your Face is meant to be humorous, but also a starting point for such a conversation. It’s not that I’m saying men are idiots about makeup, not at all. They sure as hell can be, but some of the best makeup artists I know are men, and anyway generalizations are for losers (see what I did there?).

But it is interesting to think about the visual shorthand certain types of makeup cues have for the cosmetically ignorant (women included). It’s also interesting to think about how there isn’t always an obvious correlation with how much actual product is used in a “natural” makeup look vs. a “colorful” makeup look. It’s a helluva lot faster and easier to slap on a red lip than it is to create “I was totally born with perfect skin”.

I now have to go pack up my entire life and move it two hours away (eep!), but I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. Please leave ’em in the comments, yo.