Halloween Tutorials: 1 $30 chemise, 3 Badass Shakespearean Bitches

What do you do with a BA in English?

Okay, so I’m a massive Shakespeare dork. Even though I’m currently all tangled up in the beauty industry, I still fantasize about being the cool interdisciplinary English/theater/history teacher who stokes the fire for the Bard in skeptical high school students. My WMD (if you will) would definitely be field trips to live theater and copious film screenings. That’s what our guy was all about, after all: performance. Entertainment. Unparalleled poetry and character direction built right into the cadence with painstaking, heartbreaking precision.

HEY, you may have noticed that I swiped the title for this blog from Hamlet’s “Makeup is LIES and DECEIT, Ophelia” accusation from the infamous “Get thee to a nunnery” speech! Ten points for your nerdy wizard school or whatever if you’d already guessed.

Anyway, I found a $30 “Medieval Chemise” on Amazon, so I built three different Shakespearean costumes for xoVain last week. And dude, it doesn’t get much more comfortable than a nightgown for late-night/early-morning revelry.

I could’ve torn through the Bard’s heroine oeuvre if my nonexistent self-restraint were allowed to roam free, but Desdemona felt like poor taste in light of October being Domestic Violence Awareness Month (I have some stuff to say about that on xoJane, btw) and I’m not quite up to Lavinia-stage amputation for a last-minute Friday. But these costumes are cheap, easy, and badass (just like me! … wait.). If you have $25 bucks, a little makeup, and 15 minutes, you have no excuse.

Shhhh.

No excuse.

Juliet

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Ay me.

Give me my Romeo; and, when he shall die,
Take him and cut him out in little stars,
And he will make the face of heaven so fine
That all the world will be in love with night

Urban Decay Naked Basics

Urban Decay Naked Basics

Poor Juliet. First love is torment enough without your parents being total control freaks. My favorite Juliet will always be Olivia Hussey, so I wanted some strong brows (also, pro tip: thicker brows make you look younger). Check out my glow-y, eyebrow-celebratory tutorial on xoVain.

Lady Macbeth

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Yet who would have thought the old man to have so much blood in him?

Come, you spirits
That tend on mortal thoughts, unsex me here,
And fill me from the crown to the toe top-full
Of direst cruelty.

Anastasia Tamanna Palette

Anastasia Tamanna Palette

An actress meant for television drama, the original stage mother-type, or just a bloodthirsty bitch? The beauty of these plays is in the freedom of interpretation. My Lady M is pretty into all things sanguine, so let’s get the show on the road: xoVain has the tutorial.

Ophelia

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Rosemary, that’s for remembrance. Pray you, love, remember.

 By Gis, and by Saint Charity,
Alack, and fie for shame!
Young men will do’t if they come to’t,
By cock they are to blame.
Quoth she, before you tumbled me.
You promised me to wed.

Hamlet is the absolute pinnacle of English literature. If you’ll allow me to quote myself (and you will, because this is my blog and I do what I want), “Shakespeare really got to go nuts with Hamlet, careening from dazzling wordplay to lowbrow goofiness to arguably the most eloquent exploration of mortality and what it means to be a human that’s ever been put to the page.”

Guerlain  Eyeshadow Duo in Cygne Noir

Guerlain Eyeshadow Duo in Cygne Noir

It’s some GOOD SHIT, okay? See how I did this pretty-dead-girl look over on (say it with me now) xoVain. As for the chemise? Now it’s the ultimate Wet Nightgown Contest! Little-known fact–kind of a big deal in medieval England.

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