Month: September 2012

Nailed It

/ Sarah Campbell / Leave a comment

I’m hard on my nails. I’ve never really been a biter, it’s more that I treat them like my own personal pair of tweezers. My nails are tools; they help me get into packages, grasp errant hairs, scratch my cat.* A fresh manicure won’t curb this behavior, either. It will only serve to make me feel stupid after the fact, when I’m left with chipped nails and a weeping wallet (my wallet is in an almost permanent state of depression).

So when I got this hot tip from my friend Angela, I knew I had to share with you guys. There are STEPS!

  1. Buff your nails.
  2. Apply Essie All in One Base Coat ($9)
  3. Apply your color (Angela suggests an Essie color, though I used a couple others and they’re holding up great. LOVE my Laura Mercier in Cocoa Suede, $18)
  4. (The most important step) Seche Vite Dry Fast Top Coat ($8).

I wasn’t able to find Seche Vite on Target’s website, but I did buy it in the store. According to Angela, this has only recently been available outside of nail salons. This stuff is amazeballs, guys. It goes on a bit thick, but penetrates through to the other layers to sort of grip the whole shebang and form one big hard layer on your nail plate. Result? Even my recklessness hasn’t managed to chip my manicure. I’m four days in on this one, and not a chip, which for me is a damn miracle. It has a nice glossy finish as well as UV protection.

If you do find yourself with a chip in your polish, my favorite touch-up tip is this: Dip a Q-tip in remover, then buff it into just the area around the chip. Then go over with another coat of polish. This “levels the playing field”, as it were, so there’s no shelf-like dip around the chip (can you tell I’m not used to writing/talking about nail polish?). Then go over with your magic top coat.

Lastly, ever tried acrylic nails? Gel nails? Wraps? If so, you’ll know that they’re strong as hell and look beautiful, but when you finally do take them off they’ve left your poor natural nails weak and brittle. Nothing in this life is perfect, right?

While I was attempting to grow my weak little nails out of this barbaric process, I discovered Perfect Formula Pink Gel Coat ($30). It’s a bit pricey, but one bottle lasted me a year, and it sure beat the $40+ price tag of a fill. This stuff is also a miracle. One coat to start, then another coat on top of that two days later. Two days after that, you remove the whole thing and start over. It’s slightly blue-tinted to counteract any yellowness.  It dries superfast, looks beautiful, and makes your nails hard as … uh, well, you know.*

*Not a euphemism, guys.

*This one either.

WTF is That? Stippling Brush

/ Sarah Campbell / 3 Comments

Ever see a product sitting on a shelf and just said, “Seriously, WTF is that? Medieval torture device? Alien probe?” That’s where this new feature comes in. Here I will talk about beauty items that can sometimes seem daunting or confusing or just plain weird.

This post was inspired by an odd-looking brush that was included in my latest brush set purchase. Now, having worked in the beauty industry for seven years, it’s pretty embarrassing that I don’t know what one of these brush-set-staples is. Kind of like how I still don’t know how to tie my shoes without using bunny ears. Someone taught me the bunny ears and then just forgot to help me graduate into around-the-river-and-through-the-rocks or whatever the grownup version is. THANKS MOM.

Ahem.

I decided that if I didn’t know, there was a good chance some of you didn’t (let’s be real, I mean, I love you guys, but some of these questions are 13-year-old-Seventeen-Mag-reading-level) (KISSES!). I mean, I’ve always wondered, but it’s just one of those things, you know? Stuff slips through the cracks.

So I looked it up. According to Sephora, it’s “A stippling brush that perfectly applies powder, liquid, and cream foundations. Ensure a gorgeous, sheer finish and even, streak-free application with this stippling brush that complements any foundation. The white, taklon bristles apply product and the black, goat bristles blend for flawless results—an ideal duo of natural and synthetic fibers. The sleek, wood handle fits comfortably in the hand and allows for total control over your desired look.”

In other words, the white, sparser-bristled part picks up the product, and the black, denser-bristled part buffs and blends it into the skin. How have I lived without this sorcery for so long?

Says my dear friend Kim, a supertalented makeup artist and product hound like me, “I apply liquid foundation with it because it gives a flawless, airbrushed finished and you can build up the foundation where you want more coverage! Great for HD powders, blush, and cleaning up dropped shadow, too!” Damn, lady, I’m sold. She swears by MAC’s Duo Fibre Face Brush ($42, a mixture of goat and synthetic fibers). Kathryne, another makeup artist friend, added, “Also, it helps stretch foundation so you end up using less, and can make a full coverage foundation not look and feel so heavy. A big trick is after you put on your foundation with the brush, after you applied blush and/or bronzer, slightly go over the area with the used stippling brush, and it helps to make the blush and bronzer blend into the makeup to give a more natural look.”

Yeah, my friends are awesome. It’s okay, you’re in the inner circle now too, by virtue of this blog. You’re welcome.

And don’t worry! Bunny ears work just as well, and most of my shoes have zippers anyway.

Are you confused by the entire existence of a product? Weigh in in the comments, or head over to the And You Make Yourself Another Facebook page to join the discussion. 

The Fuck is on Your Face? Vol. VII: Hair! The Musical

/ Sarah Campbell / 1 Comment

Today’s post comes to us from my hilarious friend Mike.

I want to talk about hair, if I may. Here’s the executive summary, for you busy types: Your hair looks great! You don’t need to stress out about it so much! Also, don’t sear your boyfriends.

I know a girl who dyed her hair professionally, several times in succession, each time with an imperceptibly different shade. “It’s too dark, now it’s too light, now I’m just complaining to be difficult”, etc. I totally understand the desire to have awesome hair, but chances are you have it already. Maybe spend that time and energy solving crimes with your dog or something.

Similarly, what’s with all the straightening and curling? Your hair is perfect how it is! Is it a grass is always greener situation? More importantly, let’s not overlook the psychologically (and possibly physically) scarring aspect of the apparati required. I know, I know, this fine blog advises care and not-dumbness to avoid accidents, but what about those of us who aren’t manning the helm? I don’t put razor blades in your salad or piranhas in your bubble bath, so please think of all the burgeoning hand modeling careers out there before leaving these sinister instruments lying around.

P.S. Can someone explain hair extensions to me? How are these socially acceptable but toupees are frowned upon? Why not just grow more hair? It’s not hard – lounging around and eating cheetos will get the job done.

This is a man who knows a little something about hair, ladies.

Mike was gracious enough to take time away from his hand-modeling career for this post. We are immensely grateful that he used those beautiful specimens to type something out for us. 

The author of this blog confesses to constant hair appraisal. Ever since an impulsive decision made in the sweltering wasteland of Brooklyn two summers ago to chop it all off, my hair has been creeping its way back to its former glory in a painfully slow manner. I’ll admit to a brief flirtation with extensions, but that got weird real fast when they started falling out of my head in the most inconvenient of places (“Oh, that? That’s just my spare moustache. No, I’m not diseased.”). I am not gentle enough to care for such temperamental things on my head. This is why we can’t have nice things.

Then there was the Blonde Phase (unfortunately immortalized in the otherwise awesome headshot for this blog), and, well, now it’s just never the right color. Like Mike’s friend fretted, “Now it’s too dark, now it’s too light.” Imperceptible to the casual observer, I’m told. At any given moment, there are two or three things I’d like to do to my hair. Right now? It’s a body wave and a demi-gloss. Never satisfied.

What about you? Is somebody else’s hair always greener?

Don’t Fear the Counter: A Cosmetics Department Exposé

/ Sarah Campbell / Leave a comment

This post has been percolating ever since I became a Lady in Black, Keeper of the Creams, Defender of the Glass Case. I won’t name names, but I used to work for one of the big, fancy department stores as the counter manager for one of my favorite cosmetics lines. Now, I had already worked at the biggest Sephoras in two major cities (San Francisco and Chicago, respectively), but this? This was an entirely different beast.

The Clients

They were the lonely. Drifting between the aisles. Coiffed hair, impeccable handbag, nails meticulously looked after. Couldn’t possibly have a job; all they did was bother the department store salespeople all day. You learned their names, their spending habits. Despite talk of summer homes and a preference for Chanel, they rarely bought. No, they just wanted to talk, to feel listened to. “Is this my color? Do you have anything more mauve-y? No, not mauve-y, pink. No, not pink, but not, like, purple, you know? Or do I mean mauve after all?” Exhausting. A Sondheim musical could have been written about these women. Ladies who lunch.

I hope she disinfected that first.

Then there were the teenagers. Poor lost souls with acne, barely able to squeak out a “No, thank you,” in response to an offer of help. Grubby hands in the testers, spraying each other with perfume and giggles. When prom season came they were shoved into our makeup chairs in droves by inattentive parents. We were gum-snappingly told, “I want to look like Beyonce in that video, you know?” We knew. Both parties knew the depths of that impossibility, but we each politely engaged in the fantasy that such a thing were possible. The social contract. “No problem.” When the makeover was done, they thanked us and scooted off. Nobody taught them the manners of the makeup counter: you waste hours of someone’s time as they strain to conceal your pimples, you must contribute to their sales goal.

Finally, the sample-grubbers. No particular social standing; the well-dressed indulged as often as the bag ladies. They were only after one thing: free. Some of them asked for recommendations and pretended to listen to our prescriptions; eyes glazing over as they waited for us to stop so they could blurt, “So can I get a sample?” Some dispensed with pretense altogether, cruising by the counter with a hasty, “Do you have any samples?” They were the worst. Samples aren’t meant to just be indiscriminate free gifts, they’re meant for you to try a particular product before you buy it. We would shove the bottom-of-the-drawer samples into their greedy hands, hoping to be rid of these scavengers. Sometimes they would turn their noses down at the choices. “No, I don’t want this.” The logic, the entitlement of some people. It was a pleasure to tell them no. You will take it and you will like it.

The Rules

The dirty not-so-secret of department store counters? Sales goals. Commission. The whole system is kind of barbaric and backward, though it has its place (coughcapitalismcough). If you’re looking for a new foundation (or anything else), salespeople can be invaluable. The good news is that they usually rep for one particular brand, so their knowledge of the range of products and ingredients are thorough. The bad news is that they usually rep for one particular brand, so they may or may not have as thorough an understanding of another brand you might like to try. More than that — they might not want to sell it to you, even if it’s the superior product. Each counter (and by extension, each salesperson) has a predetermined sales goal that’s based on the counter sales from the previous year. The system works to an extent — the sales around the holidays are always higher, and there’s always the post-holiday wasteland of returns. But what about the random day some charge-happy customer decided to have a shopping spree? Should a salesperson be penalized for not being able to duplicate that on the same day next year? Of course not. But they are.

The battlefield.

If a salesperson doesn’t make their goal, they will get chewed out by their superiors., sometimes at the top of every hour. We were frequently chased around by our department managers, admonished if we lingered for a moment, stopped to exchange pleasantries with a coworker, read the back of a product box. “Sell, sell, sell,” went the refrain, as if we didn’t know. The frequent whispered joke behind a departing back, “Oh, is that what we’re here for? I HAD NO IDEA.”

In my opinion the whole department store experience is kind of broken, which is why I mostly shop at Sephora. However, if you need a little more hand-holding, department stores are great for that, and some of the most talented artists and friendliest salespeople I know work at department stores.

How to Get What You Want

Establish what you’re going in for, first off. Is it to explore new stuff from your favorite brand? Get matched for your perfect foundation shade? Learn about the latest skincare? Or maybe you just want to replenish the stuff you’ve run out of. It’s helpful to know this before you walk in so you can more effectively communicate your objective with the salesperson. This ensures that neither of you wastes your time.

Good ways to express these to salespeople: “Thanks, but I’m just playing around for now. I’ll let you know if I have any questions.” “I just need to grab a couple of my staples real quick. Here’s what I need: […]” “Can you tell me about [product I saw in a magazine/on TV/etc.]?” “I came back from vacation with a tan and was hoping you could do a foundation match for me.”

Now, if a salesperson at a department store spends time with you, you should be sensitive to that. Obviously you’re never obligated to purchase something you don’t want/need, but don’t waste their time if you’re not intending to buy. If you’re just going in to look at shades in real life before you buy them online (huge pet peeve of the department store salesperson), you need to communicate this to them so they will leave you to your own devices.  You wouldn’t go into a restaurant and take up a table ordering waters for hours, would you (WOULD YOU)? Then don’t do the same with a counter person.

“Sure you can try that on, but you’ll have to answer three riddles first.”

And if they spend a lot of time with you and you absolutely don’t find what you need, don’t let them bully you into a purchase. You need to thank them for their time, ask for their name or get their business card ,and (if they’ve been helpful and you like them, of course) tell them that you’ll come back to them when you need help next time. Don’t feel bad about not spending money if you both tried to find something and couldn’t. It happens. Just be sensitive to the fact that they spent time with you that could have been spent on a paying customer.

Samples

Don’t just go to a counter because you want free stuff. If you’re just trolling for free samples, sign up for Birchbox or Beauty Army or Beauty Bar’s Sample Society. For $10-15 a month, they’ll send you deluxe samples in the mail. It’s not exactly free, but it’s cheap and fun and a great way to try things you might not otherwise have picked out (I’ll be doing a comparison post on these services in the next month or so). Plus, you don’t have to look like the asshole who’s just trying to hoard free shit.

However, it’s perfectly legitimate to want to try things before you buy them. This way you can make sure a product works for you and that you don’t have an allergic reaction to it. So if you have a specific product in mind, you can express this to the salesperson. “I’m looking to get matched for a foundation and take home a couple of samples so I can figure out which one I like best,” is a good starting place. That way everyone’s expectations are on the same page, and the salesperson can show you a few different foundations without doing a long, involved application/demonstration process. They will give you their name or their card, and you should come back to that salesperson if you end up wanting to purchase one of those products. If you can’t find that salesperson on the day you come back for it, don’t sweat it. It’s just polite to purchase from them if you possibly can.

Makeovers

The idea behind this service is that you can try new products and learn tips and tricks from a makeup artist. It is not offered so that you can get your face done before a big date or a wedding because you are too lazy or unskilled. This is still an ostensibly acceptable reason to make an appointment with a counter for a makeover, but it’s expected that you will also be prepared to buy the products that you love. You should expect to buy 2-3 items minimum.

Hey, that’s me! (c) Elena Graham Photography

You can think of not purchasing after a makeover like going to a fancy restaurant and not tipping. Nobody is going to chase after you screaming about the check, but it’s a little worse than impolite. Don’t be a dickhead. If you’re not willing to drop money, ask a skilled friend to do your makeup instead.

In Conclusion

All this may sound daunting, but the gist is simple: just be a good person. Respect other people’s time. Resist the urge to treat retail employees like your personal slaves. Communicate your objectives clearly and politely, and don’t let anyone push you around. If you just follow those guidelines, you’ll have a ball at the makeup counter, walk away with some great stuff, and nobody will talk about how awful you are behind your back.

Product Review: Urban Decay Naked Skin Foundation

/ Sarah Campbell / 1 Comment

My grandmother has sold Mary Kay for as long as I can remember, which means that makeup has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. When I was two I pioneered a high-fashion look that involved blue eyeshadow dragged entirely across my face from one eye to the other, sort of like a big blue unibrow (pictures from this event have mysteriously vanished). Still, it was all lipsticks, nail polishes, and eyeshadows; I didn’t discover foundation until I was all of ten years old.

Love at first sight

I was in my first big play. It was dress rehearsal, and someone brought out a big, crusty tacklebox full of stage makeup. I have no idea who gave it to me, or what brand it was, but my first thought remains a crystal clear memory: “This stuff is AMAZING.” It was if I was smearing on new skin on top of my perpetually flushed, much-bemoaned freckles (now, in my incredible maturity, mostly embraced). I had in my hand the secret to Barbie skin. It was a feeling of enormous power, and I instinctively knew that this goop was gonna be a big part of my life someday.

And it has been. Like any makeup junkie (and many casual users, too), I’m always on the lookout for the perfect foundation. It’s had its ups and downs (cream foundation as a preteen was probably one of those downs). Lately I’ve been on a tinted moisturizer kick —  summer just seems to call for tinted moisturizer. My last big foundation love affair, though, was with Smashbox Studio Skin ($42) for its staying power and solid coverage. Before that it was Smashbox High Definition ($39), which I liked for its invisibility and good-for-you skincare ingredients (like cell-energizing Ribose and vitamin C).

But you guys, YOU GUYS. I was shopping in Sephora (like I do) all “la la la, shopping in Sephora la la la” and I came across a gorgeous Urban Decay display.

Sometimes things just need to be documented.

Instant pleasure

It was the new Urban Decay Naked Skin Weightless Ultra Definition Liquid Makeup ($38). I looked at it. It looked back. I pulled out my phone and took a picture of it (the fact that my face happened to be in the frame is purely coincidental, I assure you). I asked the salesperson nearest me (who was politely pretending not to notice my camera-whoring) if I could have a sample, and she made me one (bless you, Sephora).

When I got it home and put it on my face, I noticed immediately that I’d asked for the wrong color (.5. I usually just get the lightest color available since my skin color is, as my dad would say, “clear”, but that didn’t work this time). Still, the texture was gorgeous. Lightweight, blendable, buildable coverage, natural demi-matte finish. This is everything you want in a foundation. I took a deep breath and went to examine myself in our frightening bathroom magnifying mirror: smooth, even skin tone, nary a tell-tale clogged pore buckling under the weight of heavy formula in sight. Invisible.

“This is the thing about foundations: It’s kind of like shapewear. At its worst, it’s uncomfortable, it makes you sweat, and people can tell you’re wearing it. But at its best, you look flawless, all the right places are expertly concealed — and no one knows why.”

—Allure, September 2012.

Like my beloved Smashbox HD, Naked also has skincare ingredients. Says the product description: “This makeup loads skin with a list of nourishing ingredients including: Matrixyl 3000 (a powerful anti-wrinkle peptide), protective and brightening Litchiderm, antioxidant Green Tea and Sodium Hyaluronate for optimal skin hydration and nutrient absorption.” I mean, I’m always a sucker for a made-up ingredient name that promises to rescue my skin as it makes it look better.

I decided to order it online after Sephora lured me with the siren song of some juicy extras with my next order.

And here’s where stuff got tricky

As you can see, the shades are “explained” on Sephora’s site. The idea behind the numbers (.5 – 12) is that anything ending in .5 is cool-toned, while .0 shades are warmer. Since I’m pale with slight yellow undertones, of course I ordered 3.5, a “beige with pink undertones”. Seriously, I don’t know what my deal was that morning. Caffeine-deprived or something. But I digress.

When it arrived on my doorstep, it says something about the superiority of the formula that despite my idiocy in ordering what was clearly the wrong color, I was able to wear it anyway with some improvisation (mostly involving blending down to my neck, which is not necessary with the right shade; you should only need to blend into your jawline). I looked a bit pinker and tanner than normal, but not like I was wearing a bunch of foundation. Workable, but not ideal.

My happy ending

I exchanged it for my perfect shade today (2.0 if you care. You care? That’s weird). Even the Sephora cashier raved about this foundation as she helped me with the exchange (she also happened to be wearing it at the time). It’s absolutely worth grabbing a couple of samples and/or being matched.

And there’s absolutely no reason your matching should be as needlessly difficult as mine was (and in case you were wondering, I documented that saga to spare you the burden of going through the same rigamarole). The display includes those nifty little clear shade guides (top left photo), but if you’re at a counter or if they’re fresh out, start with the shade you think will be your match and swipe it on your jawline. Keep swiping until you find a good match, then swipe on the next lighter and next darker shades next to it. Your shade will be the one that disappears on your skin with the least blending.

See? Clear. But look how well that shit blends.

Google That Shit

/ Sarah Campbell / Leave a comment
Image

Cat Marnell, WSJ.

Cat Marnell is blowing up right now.

She’s a former beauty editor for xoJane. The NYT did an excellent profile on her last month, and many other publications have followed suit. The reason for this is that Cat Marnell is a living, breathing, blogging trainwreck. She writes explicitly about her extensive drug use and sordid past and apologizes for nothing. She’s incredibly compelling, in a guilty-pleasure kind of way.

The internet is divided on Cat’s writing ability, but she has a candor that’s refreshing in an industry that can feel dusty and regurgitated. Today she linked to an article she wrote for xoJane about Fashion Week, and I absolutely love what she has to say on the subject of trend reporting:

[…] in my opinion, beauty backstage at shows are nice to look at but that’s it. They don’t mean anything and there are hundreds of “trends” to be declared every season and they are always the same: bold brows, tawny skin, messy updos, deep side parts, fuschia lips.

Whatever. A makeup artist worked with a fashion designer to create looks that complement the clothes — which do matter — and then the magazines and websites go crazy turning those beauty looks into content which encourages you to buy a zillion  products and recreate the looks yourself.

Don’t you already sort of know what looks good on you?

Now don’t get me wrong: I love beauty, I promote beauty products, makeup, hair, glamour, the fun of being a woman. I’ll teach you all about the genius products that will improve how you look, and sometimes there are new discoveries to share at Fashion Week in this respect.

And I do particularly like the different nail polish looks and believe THOSE start trends (because nail polish is like an accessory; it works on everyone), and once in a while a lipstick fad will start on a runway, but — for the most part, runway beauty is just that: runway beauty. Not an actual trend. Come on!

I’m not going to tell you that ballerina buns are a trend because three shows did ballerina buns this season. Guess what? At least three shows put ballerina buns on their models every season! Just like messy braids, or bronzy skin, or strong brows, or orange lipstick or smoky eyes.

Nor am I going to tell you how to “Get The Look” and replicate the ballerina bun trend from the runway. Google that shit! It’s all over the Internet already! I can’t think of anything more BORING. GOD.

“Google that shit”? I’m pretty sure I say this, like, once a day. And this is exactly what I’m trying to do with this blog: eliminate the chaff; step over the detritus of recycled content and get to the good stuff. I’ve done a couple posts for makeup neophytes, but that’s not going to be the norm here. I want to stay away from the features I skip over in fashion magazines and cover the stuff I want to talk about with my girlfriends.

So that and I really just wanted to say “Google that shit” some more.

The Fuck is on Your Face? Vol. V: At First Blush

/ Sarah Campbell / Leave a comment

Drew is a playwright and wordsmith and an all-around fantastic human being; you know, one of those friends you adore but never get to see because they’re across the country? He had a few words to say on the subject of blush:

In a nutshell: let’s try to avoid a Raggedy Ann situation here.

Blush is tough for me because it’s a type of makeup that doesn’t intend to really blend into the skin, or emphasize naturally-occurring lines. Although it can effectively mimic what your face might look like if you’ve just accidentally crotch-flashed a foreign dignitary, let’s not be mistaken here: it’s artifice. And because of this, and how prominently it changes one’s entire appearance, no makeup mistake raises my eyebrow more than an over-rouge-ing.

As far as more “experimental” tones of blush go, I say: huh? Let’s keep in mind what we’re trying to improve here: a woman’s face. There’s nothing more exquisite in the world than a woman’s face. If you held up a woman’s face next to an assortment of, like, colors, guess what I’d be most interested in? Yup, the goddamn woman’s face.

So for the love of all things sacred, please don’t go all Rothko on those cheeks.

Aw geez, Drew. Flattery will get you everywhere (as will a good art reference).

I’ll admit to not being a huge blush user. I’m not sure why, exactly. It’s a lovely concept; it certainly can look very fresh and pretty. I guess it’s just one of those things I forget to wear. I’m more of a bronzer person, and only then to warm up my complexion if I feel a bit pale or I got some unexpected sun on the rest of my body (high planes of the face where the sun would hit) or to contour (slightly darker bronzer applied with an angled brush in the hollows of the cheeks under cheekbones). My favorite bronzers are Hoola ($28) and Smashbox Halo ($39) — both matte and very natural. A couple of great bronzer/blush multitaskers are Smashbox Fusion Soft Lights ($30) and Too Faced’s Caribbean in a Compact in Snow Bunny ($29), though both have some shimmer to them. If I am using blush by itself, I’ll generally go with worldwide favorite Nars Orgasm ($28, and also available in a split compact with Laguna, a soft matte bronzer), or Benefit Dandelion ($28) for more of an ethereal, subtle glow. If you’re looking for a foolproof way to pick a color, try pinching your cheeks (old beauty magazine trick) and pick a color similar to your natural flush. And make sure you pay attention to the level of shimmer in the product — a little can bring out your cheekbones, but too much can make you look like a disco ball. Check yourself out in direct sunlight to be sure.

When it comes to choosing a brush, just remember: the denser the bristles, the more color they will pick up and deposit on your face. The lightest, most subtle brush you can use is the fan brush. Apples of the cheeks are a good place to start, but you can experiment with different planes of your face for different effects. When in doubt, just smile and apply along the part that bulges out most (heh).

As always, just make sure you blend the shit out of it (for the record, I do not want this written on my gravestone). 

We can’t all have Drew’s natural healthy flush (also pictured: me and my bronzer habit).

I hijacked this bio from MTV Voices, where Drew sometimes writes:

Drew Paryzer (a.k.a. Andrés, אַבְרָהָם, ட்ரூ, and Shnookums) is a playwright, journalist, couch-surfing traveler, pun-lover, reflective listener, and heat-seeking missile.

He thinks he might have discovered the meaning of life looking into a pond one time, but then he had to start paying rent. Wrested out of Hebrew day school in Miami at a young age, reared with saxophone and Super Mario in the Rocky Mountains, and raised in South India, South America, and at Sarah Lawrence College, Drew now lives in Brooklyn, N.Y. and has little idea what the hell is going on in this world until he starts writing about it. He once tried to climb up a palm tree and uprooted the thing. He’s mostly convinced that we’re all becoming cyborgs. Follow him on Twitter; you’ll be glad you did.

Color Wars: Finding Your Shade

/ Sarah Campbell / 3 Comments

From Rose:

I would love to see a post about how to find the right shade of makeup- I swear I’ve bought eight red lipsticks that I thought would look good and when I got them home realized I looked terrible in it.

I don’t subscribe to any hard and fast rules about this, myself. Some people will tell you “Oh, you’re an autumn, only wear warm colors,” or “If silver looks best on you, you should only be looking for cool tones,” but I don’t buy that stuff. You may find that you’re drawn to one color family or another, but that doesn’t mean you can’t wear whatever you want. There’s another theory that you should go with your natural lip tone, but a few shades darker (Bobbi Brown is a big proponent of this theory). That’ll rarely steer you wrong, and is a great rule of thumb for interview makeup, impress-a-guy-on-the-beach makeup, and omg-she’s-totally-born-with-it makeup, but who wants to look natural all the time? Red lipstick is a powerhouse makeup decision and a birthright. Every woman should have a go-to red lipstick in her makeup drawer that she can swipe on when she’s feeling blah or femme fatale. The one one-size-fits-all tip I’ll throw out on red lipstick? Try MAC Russian Red. I’ve yet to see it look bad on someone.

I’ll admit it: a great deal of my BtVS-watching involved silent praise of SMG’s makeup artist.

And side note: I will wear any lip color. I am a total undiscriminating cosmetics slut and have absolutely no shame — and I think a lot of makeup-obsessed women are like this. It’s as if pretty, natural shades are our gateway drug and we start only being able to get high by upping the craziness factor on our shadows and lipsticks from time to time. So yeah, give me a Barbie pink gloss and I’ll sport it for a while. Vampy dark purple? Shit, I’ll try it. The only color family I avoid like the plague is nudes. I think it makes pretty much everyone look dead. Seriously, if you ever see me wearing it, I probably am; and depending on my state of consciousness you should either call 911 or Buffy Summers.

So unfortunately, since there are no hard and fast rules, there is no magic equation that will work for all women. What I can give you are tips for finding it on your own.

As always, you can shop at drugstores or you can shop at more high-end stores like Sephora or a beauty counter. The benefit of a drugstore is that lipstick is cheap and you can buy a couple and not feel the sting quite as badly. The benefit of shopping at the latter is that you can try them on and take them back if you change your mind.

Start with the swatch test: pick out some colors that you’re drawn to. Nine times out of ten you’ll be drawn to the colors you look best in. If you’re not, you just need more practice (and like I keep saying, that’s what makeup is all about). Swipe ’em on your hand, pay attention to the undertones and what you like about each. When you find two or three you’d like to try on, you can ask the person behind the counter to disinfect them for you, or do it yourself (Sephora has stations on each end-cap for just this purpose). You’ll need to spray a generous amount of alcohol into a tissue and wipe — really get at that sucker — then shave a little bit off the top with a Q-tip before applying. Do NOT apply without doing this — it’s unhygienic and everyone will look at you like you were raised in a barn.

All these shades were in my purse. Sad or AWESOME?

If you’re unsure about the color you like, walk around the mall with it for a while. Get comfortable. See how it wears. See how you like the formula.

Finally, if you do get it home and you change your mind after wearing it for a few days, you have a couple of options. You can blend it with colors you already have to get the perfect shade (I always have a neutral lipstick, brownish lip-liner, and a few bright colors on hand for this reason). Jean Godfrey-June, beauty editor at Lucky Magazine, says that a universal beauty truth is that “Any two random lipsticks you’ve ever bought – any – when combined, will always be flattering, no matter what your skin tone.” Go ahead and try — it’s pretty much foolproof. I know you want to find your lipstick holy grail. We all do. But sometimes life isn’t perfect, and you have to work with the universe to get what you want (pretty deep for a makeup blog, huh?).

If you still can’t stomach it, take it back. Sephora and almost any department store will exchange your product for you, even if you’ve already used it — and if you’re feeling truly hopeless, their salespeople will help you find a better shade. I’ll be honest — helping someone pick out a lipstick shade is only slightly above watching paint dry for any salesperson (seriously, there’s only so much “I want a red, but not too red. Kind of brownish, but not like a woody color, something more, I don’t know, pink? No, not pink…” one person can take), so use this option as a last resort. You should be able to figure this one out on your own.

The Fuck is On Your Face? Vol. IV: The Insidious Bobby Pin

/ Sarah Campbell / 6 Comments

Today’s post comes from Kai, a grade school friend of mine who consistently cracks everyone up on Facebook. That’s about the only qualification I need to pester someone into writing something for me.

Ladies, I would like to take this opportunity to address the issue of bobby pins because it’s something of an epidemic. You leave those damned things absolutely everywhere. On my dresser. In the sink. Under the couch. In my refrigerator. They’re litter, like cigarette butts or used needles. Oh look — the cat just choked to death on one. Fantastic.

Here’s a list of things that I hate finding in my apartment:
1. Fire 2. Bobby Pins 3. Meth Addicts 4. Dead Cats

I imagine you must distribute them about the room like Johnny Fucking Appleseed when I’m not looking, because they always end up in new and surprising places. It’s ridiculous. Something rattling around in my laptop? Bobby pin. Pointy thing in my shoe? Bobby pin. Weird thing in my teeth after hooking up with you? Motherfucking bobby pin!

Kai, I’m going to let you in on a little secret: it’s not an epidemic, it’s a conspiracy. That’s all I’m at liberty to say.

Speaking of conspiracies, bobby pin users, did you know that the correct way to wear bobby pins is with the wavy side down and the flat side up? The wavy part is designed to grip your hair. Betcha didn’t know that, did you. Betcha didn’t think you came to this entry to get your mind blown, did you. BAM: schooled.

I spent entirely too long trying to figure out if those were eyebrows. Still confused.

Campbell out.

The face of a man who has clearly just sat on a bobby pin.