Too Faced Semi-Sweet Tutorial

Be a copywriter they said . . . :)

Really excited and proud to be the writer, makeup artist, and model for this beautifully shot and directed YouTube tutorial.

Get the Look:

Face
1. Apply Hangover Primer all over face to hydrate and smooth.
2. Use Kabuki Brush to buff Cocoa Powder Foundation all over for a matte rose-petal finish.
3. Blend Chocolate Soleil Bronzer under cheekbones and along temples to contour.
4. Apply Sweethearts Blush in Peach Beach lightly along cheekbones.

Eyes
1. Use finger to apply Shadow Insurance all over lids.
2. Using the Semi-Sweet Chocolate Bar palette, apply Coconut Crème all over lid and up to brow.
3. Press Peanut Butter into crease and blend out with Mousse .
4. Smudge Hot Fudge into upper and lower lashlines and softly blend for a subtle smokey eye.
5. Wet a flat brush and pat Pink Sugar over the center of the lid and into the inner corners of the eye to brighten.
6. Line the upper lashline with Licorice.
7. Finish with Better Than Sex Mascara for volume and drama.

Lips
Apply Melted Velvet for the perfect kiss-proof pout.

SO MUCH FACE

And get ready to get smooched.

Hangover Beauty 101

HangoverHERO

Don’t worry; nobody saw your table dance.

I tell ya. The older I get, the harder it is to bounce back from a night of debauchery. The morning after a few glasses of wine? I basically look like I’ve never heard of water.

The headaches I can handle, but dull, dehydrated skin? This aggression will not stand, man!

(Dramatic reenactment)

(Dramatic reenactment)

Though my spooning-with-Tostitos days have subsided (thank god), these are the Fancy Party months (read: open bar season). And this advice is timeless, yo. It’ll save your ass when you went a little too hard during Happy Hour and have to pretend like you don’t need to quietly vomit in your trashcan. Don’t be that guy.

You don’t have to follow every single step, but if you can slap a few of these products on your face in some semblance of order, you’re on your way to making yourself look human again.

Step 1: The reckoning

Alcohol seeps through pores as overnight, so you’re basically marinating in a pungent film of sweat and tequila. Yay!

Showering is non-negotiable, Margaritaville. No matter how complicated it sounds.

Oh, that's where that went.

Oh, that’s where that went.

Got enough time to wash and style your hair? Awesome! Do that!

If not, spray a generous amount of dry shampoo into your roots to absorb the sweat, oil, and dirty-hair smell. Spritz the rest with a texturizing spray (love Oribe Après Beach) and twist hair into two little buns while you go about the rest of your routine. The steam from the shower (that you are absolutely, definitely taking) will help set your waves.

Crack open those eye drops for bright, white eyeballs that say “What open bar?”

Crack open those eye drops for bright, white eyeballs that say “What open bar?”

Step 2: The purification

If only your wicked soul were this easily cleansed

If only your wicked soul were this easily cleansed

These Eyeko Mascara Off remover wipes stay super-moist to gently remove even the smokiest of eye makeup from wherever it has migrated. For the rest of your face, Skyn Iceland’s Arctic Facial Wash is amazing for stressed-out skin: it instantly calms redness (and the tingle makes me feel like I’m in a Dentyne Ice commercial).

Lush Ocean Salt Face and Body Scrub is a “cocktail” of lime, sea salt, and vodka–with coconut and avocado for moisture. Don’t worry; the scent is clean, fresh, and doesn’t smell like alcohol in the slightest.

Sorry I said “alcohol.”

Step 3: Skin rehab

The big guns

The big guns

Bliss Triple-Oxygen Energizing Mask is my go-to fix for dull skin. Vitamin C brightens and tones, while some sort of magic fizz pumps skin with oxygen (what? I’m not a doctor). Hey, when my skin looks this good after five minutes, you could tell me Voldemort himself mixed this batch and I’d still be like, yes put that on my face now, please and thank you.

For tired, bloated eyes, GLAMGLOW Brightmud Eye Treatment is another trick of the I-don’t-care-how-this-works-as-long-as-it-makes-me-pretty variety. Each pod contains two individually sealed scoops of product; the serving is generous enough that you can use one pod for both eyes to stretch each box twice as long. The tingly caffeine blend stimulates lymphatic drainage to tighten and diminish puffiness and dark circles, while brisk peppermint brightens and soothes.

Wear ‘em at the same time if you wanna look this cool (why am I putting these pictures on the internet, again?)

Step 4: Quench that thirst

Now that you’re bright and tight, let’s hydrate! …sorry about me

Now that you’re bright and tight, let’s hydrate! …sorry about me

Cucumber extract makes this Fresh Rose Hydrating Face Serum your hangover godsend: it instantly hydrates, cools, and soothes–the perfect targeted emollient under moisturizer. And Fresh’s new Hydrating Eye Gel Cream boasts the same dreamy scent and instant hydrating relief. Extra points if you’ve popped it in the fridge before heading out for the evening (pshyeah, like you’d remember when you got back). Then seal the hydration in with Skyn Iceland’s Arctic Hydrating Balm, which calms inflammation, repairs dryness, and protects against free radicals (eczema sufferers, take note!).

Step 5: Creating the illusion

Tricks are something a whore does for money.

ILLUSIONS, Michael. Tricks are something a whore does for money. (and drugs)

The Canvas

Too Faced Hangover Replenishing Primer contains coconut water, probiotics, and electrolytes to replenish moisture levels (just like the sports drinks and Whole Foods concoctions you should probably be drinking right about now). I’m obsessed with this primer–it smells like a tropical milkshake, makes skin look red-carpet-dewy, and creates a smooth, long-lasting surface for makeup.

Did I write the adorable copy for this? ... maybe.

Did I write the adorable copy for this? … maybe.

Hourglass’ tinted-moisturizer-like Illusion Hyaluronic Skin Tint harnesses Hyaluronic Acid’s water-binding molecules to plump skin and disguise fine lines, while “pearlescent pigments” impart the subtlest luminescence (in other words, no risk of blinding anyone in direct sunlight. UGH, direct sunlight).

Eve Lom Light Illusion Concealer pen: a lightweight brightening concealer similar to Touche Eclat

Eve Lom Light Illusion Concealer pen: a lightweight brightening concealer similar to Touche Eclat

Under Eye

Smashbox Photo Finish Under Eye Primer hydrates and keeps concealer from caking into fine lines. Photo Op Under Eye Brightener refracts light away from dark circles and can be used as a highlighter on the cupid’s bow, bridge of the nose, and cheekbones. Draw a long triangle with your concealer from the inner eye corner (the darkest part of the face) down to the redness-prone outer corner of the nose and back up under the middle of eye, then blend. If you like to set with powder, Smashbox Halo is an anti-aging mineral powder that actually hydrates and never looks cakey. I will buy Halo until they stop making it or I die, whichever comes first (hopefully the latter).

This Urban Decay Naked Basics palette is “well-loved”

This Urban Decay Naked Basics palette is “well-loved”

Eyes

Find a matte shadow that’s a few shades darker than your skin tone (brown shades like fawn, tawny, and espresso look most natural). With a short-bristled brush, smudge the shadow along your lower lash line; this will camouflage any remaining puffiness by making the area appear to recede.

Blend a light, slightly shimmery shade into the inner eye corners to neutralize dark shadows. Then fill in your lower waterline with a nude eyeliner (white can look too stark and obvious). This will make eyes appear wide awake and, more importantly, conceal those telltale red rims that scream “late night!”

Slooooowly and with great concentration

Slooooowly and with great concentration

Curl your lashes and apply a couple coats of mascara–the darkest black you can find will make your eyes look brighter (Too Faced Better Than Sex is “carbon-black”-dark, just sayin’).

Hair

Unclip your twists, shake ‘em out, and work any remaining dry shampoo into your roots. Your waves may need more texturizing spray, but don’t brush unless you want to look like Mia Thermopolis pre-makeover. Hey, you do you.

Glamour shots by Deb

Glamour shots by Deb

Your saviors

Pack these for midday emergencies: Sephora Blotting Films for inevitable afternoon sweatiness, Lush Eau Roma water to rehydrate, soothe, and perk you back up, and Skyn Iceland Icelandic Relief Eye Pen to keep puffy, tired eyes from reemerging.

Pack these for midday emergencies: Sephora Blotting Films for inevitable afternoon sweatiness, Lush Eau Roma water to rehydrate, soothe, and perk you back up, and Skyn Iceland Icelandic Relief Eye Pen to keep puffy, tired eyes from reemerging.

I know whereof I speak

What’s your hangover cure? I need it … for reasons.

*full disclosure: author has since been employed by Too Faced cosmetics as a copywriter. This post was written & scheduled prior to that, plus author knows her shit, so don’t even worry.

**also, author is not an alcoholic, but she did have some interesting college times.

Halloween Tutorials: 1 $30 chemise, 3 Badass Shakespearean Bitches

What do you do with a BA in English?

Okay, so I’m a massive Shakespeare dork. Even though I’m currently all tangled up in the beauty industry, I still fantasize about being the cool interdisciplinary English/theater/history teacher who stokes the fire for the Bard in skeptical high school students. My WMD (if you will) would definitely be field trips to live theater and copious film screenings. That’s what our guy was all about, after all: performance. Entertainment. Unparalleled poetry and character direction built right into the cadence with painstaking, heartbreaking precision.

HEY, you may have noticed that I swiped the title for this blog from Hamlet’s “Makeup is LIES and DECEIT, Ophelia” accusation from the infamous “Get thee to a nunnery” speech! Ten points for your nerdy wizard school or whatever if you’d already guessed.

Anyway, I found a $30 “Medieval Chemise” on Amazon, so I built three different Shakespearean costumes for xoVain last week. And dude, it doesn’t get much more comfortable than a nightgown for late-night/early-morning revelry.

I could’ve torn through the Bard’s heroine oeuvre if my nonexistent self-restraint were allowed to roam free, but Desdemona felt like poor taste in light of October being Domestic Violence Awareness Month (I have some stuff to say about that on xoJane, btw) and I’m not quite up to Lavinia-stage amputation for a last-minute Friday. But these costumes are cheap, easy, and badass (just like me! … wait.). If you have $25 bucks, a little makeup, and 15 minutes, you have no excuse.

Shhhh.

No excuse.

Juliet

IMG_7868

Ay me.

Give me my Romeo; and, when he shall die,
Take him and cut him out in little stars,
And he will make the face of heaven so fine
That all the world will be in love with night

Urban Decay Naked Basics

Urban Decay Naked Basics

Poor Juliet. First love is torment enough without your parents being total control freaks. My favorite Juliet will always be Olivia Hussey, so I wanted some strong brows (also, pro tip: thicker brows make you look younger). Check out my glow-y, eyebrow-celebratory tutorial on xoVain.

Lady Macbeth

IMG_8888

Yet who would have thought the old man to have so much blood in him?

Come, you spirits
That tend on mortal thoughts, unsex me here,
And fill me from the crown to the toe top-full
Of direst cruelty.

Anastasia Tamanna Palette

Anastasia Tamanna Palette

An actress meant for television drama, the original stage mother-type, or just a bloodthirsty bitch? The beauty of these plays is in the freedom of interpretation. My Lady M is pretty into all things sanguine, so let’s get the show on the road: xoVain has the tutorial.

Ophelia

IMG_9325

Rosemary, that’s for remembrance. Pray you, love, remember.

 By Gis, and by Saint Charity,
Alack, and fie for shame!
Young men will do’t if they come to’t,
By cock they are to blame.
Quoth she, before you tumbled me.
You promised me to wed.

Hamlet is the absolute pinnacle of English literature. If you’ll allow me to quote myself (and you will, because this is my blog and I do what I want), “Shakespeare really got to go nuts with Hamlet, careening from dazzling wordplay to lowbrow goofiness to arguably the most eloquent exploration of mortality and what it means to be a human that’s ever been put to the page.”

Guerlain  Eyeshadow Duo in Cygne Noir

Guerlain Eyeshadow Duo in Cygne Noir

It’s some GOOD SHIT, okay? See how I did this pretty-dead-girl look over on (say it with me now) xoVain. As for the chemise? Now it’s the ultimate Wet Nightgown Contest! Little-known fact–kind of a big deal in medieval England.

Killer Queen: A Royal Revolution Katy Perry Tutorial

This confession appeared on xoVain today, prefacing my review of Katy Perry’s Killer Queen: Royal Revolution fragrance. I liked it, okay? I TRIED THIS PERFUME AND I LIKED IT, HOPE MY BOYFRIEND DON’T MIND IT.

The makeup tutorial I created to go along with the review ended up getting cut, so I figured I’d post it here in case any of you are going to an 80s party or wanna be a goofy pop star for Halloween. I’m not exactly a Katy Perry fan, but her music is catchy and I gotta give props to the chicks fighting the good fight by daring to be curvy in public.

A quick note first: Perry is a cultural appropriation lightning rod right now. A battle is being fought in the pop music sector as socio-political gaffes (like a popstar co-opting another cultural style in a music video) are no longer getting swept under the proverbial rug. I’m not a radio listener (or a music video watcher), and I don’t exactly have much feminist theory under my belt, so I’m going to leave that conversation to the more experienced writers of the internet.

All right, onto the dumb stuff!

When Tom walked by, he said, “That’s very … makeup-y.” Nailed it.

When Tom walked by, he said, “That’s very … makeup-y.” Nailed it.

I’ve always wanted to try a Katy Perry makeup look (if you haven’t, you’re lying), so when Topshop’s gorgeous 4-pan Atlantis Eye Palette came into my life, I knew the time had come. They say blue shadow isn’t for the green-eyed? Psssh. There are no rules in beauty!

Topshop Atlantis

Topshop Atlantis Eye Palette

I started out with a full-coverage base à la Ms. Perry, using Hourglass Immaculate Foundation and Too Faced Cocoa Powder Foundation for a matte, doll-like finish. (The latter smells like chocolate. I think Katy would approve.) KP’s got some Brows with a capital B, so I used Hourglass Arch Brow Sculpting Pencil with bold, steady strokes. The waxy formula helps tame unruly hairs, while the rich pigment fills in everything evenly (and don’t even think about buying a brow pencil without a spoolie on the other end!). Check out my gradient brow tutorial on xoVain for more detailed info.

Tap some highlighter (like Benefit High Beam) onto the high planes of your face, then blend with a damp sponge.

Tap some highlighter (like Benefit High Beam) onto the high planes of your face, then blend with a damp sponge.

Palette time! Pack the light blue-turquoise shade onto your upper lid with a short-bristled shadow brush (I love this MAC #219 Pencil Brush’s tiny tip), then bring it down along your lower lashline.

brush

Don’t worry about achieving perfection; we’ll blend later. Add the navy blue shade in a V-shape around the outer corners of your upper and lower lash lines.

Swirl a fluffy blending brush into the shimmery white shade in the palette, and buff out the blue edges in tiny circular motions. You can pack extra white shadow into the inner corner of the eye and directly under your brow arch for a brightening effect.

collage_photocat

Use a black liquid liner (my favorite is Kat Von D’s Tattoo Liner) to draw a rounded cat eye. Think ‘60s mod; Katy’s got the Zooey Deschanel wide-eyed thing going on. Use a concealer pencil or white eyeliner to line your lower waterline for that huge cartoon-eyes effect.
IMG_2438
KP9

It’s not Katy Perry if you don’t wear fake lashes. I used a random drugstore pair that was on hand, but I’d definitely recommend a thicker strip for more authenticity. Finally, I used NYX Butter Gloss in Créme Brulee for a muted lip that didn’t compete with my crazy upper face.

IMG_2466

KP extra

Lunatic transformation complete.

Bonus: my gorgeous friend Sara in the same makeup! My pictures of her ended up kinda sucking (still working on the whole how-to-use-a-camera thing), but we had a blast anyway.

sara

Add some bright pink lips and a Marilyn wig and you’re Jessica Lange from the American Horror Story: Freakshow Bowie tribute.

Is there life on Maaaaaaaars?

Is there life on Maaaaaaaars?

Can we talk about how fantastic that sequence was for a second? Four days later and it’s still stuck in my head. Ryan Murphy, you ridiculous genius.

How fucking excited are we for Halloween?

Nostalgia

Welp, I just realized today that I started this little blog two years ago! If And You Make Yourself Another were a person, it would be cutting its own bangs and yelling the word “no” at me. Or teething. I don’t know, I don’t have kids.

To celebrate, I reread The Very First Post, which I’d argue still holds up in our brave new 2014:

The internet has enough how-tos. If you want to learn to do anything, go look it up on YouTube. You don’t need to see my dumb face telling you how to “Create the Perfect Cat-Eye” or “How to Find the Perfect Red Lipstick!” I mean, fuck, the entire magazine industry is built on these recycled premises. Go sit in a waiting room. You might even pick up some tips on “How to Please Your Man!” (hint: it starts with blow and ends with job).

This is going to be beauty for smart girls (or dudes, we don’t discriminate here). You’re not thirteen years old playing with your mother’s rouge anymore. You’re a grown person (or, y’know, mature), and you can handle the word fuck once in a while (sorry, Grandma). You can also understand multisyllabic words (like multisyllabic!). So let’s stop dumbing down the beauty industry, because that’s the last thing it needs.

Sage words, 2012 Sarah.

While this piece of the internet hasn’t become the multi-staff, moneymaking venture I made no effort to make it, I still feel pretty good about pulling some words out of my brain and sticking them on the internet like this. Hey, it’s also served as an expletive-laden portfolio of sorts; I was able to parlay this thing into writing gigs for Beautylish, Sephora, and xoVain (and I’m in talks for something big, so say a little prayer for me). Also, I have a real camera now, so expect some actual beauty blogging (well, my version of beauty blogging).

You'll be back.

You’ll be back.

Anyway, thanks for sticking around, or for ditching and coming back to laugh and point.

It’s all good, yo.

Copy Examples from Sephora

Ever heard of a little site called Sephora.com? I had a blast this summer when I was under contract there—I’ve wanted to work with Sephora for as long as I can remember.

I made the decision to jump back into freelance beauty writing instead of staying on, but it was great fun to see how the glittery sausage gets made. And holy shit, there are some talented people making it!

Here are some clips of the copy I wrote for the site/email campaigns (oh man, now you can see my shamefully high Rouge Reward points):

YSL Spotlight YSL Brand Page Screen Shot 2014-08-06 at 4.19.02 PM Screen Shot 2014-08-06 at 4.19.12 PM

Screen Shot 2014-10-15 at 4.42.25 PMScreen Shot 2014-10-15 at 4.42.34 PMScreen Shot 2014-08-31 at 3.33.41 AM Screen Shot 2014-08-07 at 5.08.05 PM Screen Shot 2014-08-07 at 5.12.43 PM Screen Shot 2014-08-30 at 7.05.47 PM Screen Shot 2014-08-30 at 7.06.27 PM Screen Shot 2014-08-30 at 7.06.49 PMScreen Shot 2014-09-04 at 1.09.40 PM